Monday, August 29, 2005

The Gypsies have spoken...

And the word is, more parties, hooleys, and barn door dances!
The Gypsy Chief wishes it to be known that Baba Griga is a great dancer and welcome at his camp fire anytime.
He also wishes to inform all travellers that any birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, engagements, whatever, will be celebrated at the Gypsy camp with much enthusiasm. So if you'd like to be the guest of honour at a hooley at the tober (translation: a big party at thecampsite) you are to send your birthdays and/or other important dates to gailkav@yahoo.com
Talk about a slave driver, he's as bad as Baba Yaga.

Breaking News - Map found in Antique Map Store

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Karen Roberts has found this and other, detailed maps, of the Soul Food Silk Way in an Antique Store. What a find! Instructions so far have been scanty but no-one will get lost now. Just hang on to the map and you will get where you need to be.
Sibyl

The Magician's Great Grandchild



I wrote a little story over at the Chambers Of Horrors and a few people inquired about the central character who was based on my Great Grandfather.

How much of the Character of Stuart was Real was one question...

Well, I won't tell you too much because a Magician NEVER gives up their secrets but I will say that Magic is in my blood!

I've pulled this from the Memory Blog and brought it over, just to share and show you that a lot of my inspiration for my stories comes directly from my own life.

Enjoy!
Anita Marie

This memory of mine is no longer kept in a trunk, but that's where it started out.

My Great Grandfather was a Magician and in my Grandmother's basement in a closet was his prop trunk.

When my brother and I busted into it we found some of the props were falling apart with age and other things, like the rings, boxes you could use to make things like birds or what have you disappear and then reappear where in there too and they were still in good shape.

The props were very basic, but complicated and my little brother and I at the ages of nine and eight worked and worked until we managed to make some of them work. We did this on our own and by watching magicians on TV and at local fairs.

I'd like to say our Parents supported us and ran out and bought us our props but they didn't.

They gave us each Magic Show Kits and left us to it.

My brother and I went from performing in front of an audience of two ( our baby sister who was about 5 at the time and her stuffed pink cat, which she named Hamburger Helper...her favorite boxed dinner at the time ) too our friends and then at times to their parents as well.

I was the "Amazing Anita" and my brother called himself, " Daring Douglas "

I don't know why we stopped our magic shows, but after about 4 years we did. By then I was learning the guitar and wanted to be a musician and my brother went on to discover girls.

In my twenties though I ended up managing a gift and novelty shop...and part of our business listed under category nine on the cash registers was...Magic Props. Most stores could sell about 60.00 dollars worth of magic props a week. This wasn't stage quality stuff. It's the stuff you buy for your kids or for the curious.

There were Rings, card trick kits ( by that I mean shaved and marked decks ) those little plastic egg cups where you make the plastic egg disappear and reappear. Scarf tricks, rope tricks, magic kits.

Things like that.

I sold, on my own easily a couple hundred dollars a week worth of this stuff. These weren't high end items, so I had to sell a lot of it.

It's funny though, I never felt like I was selling anything. I felt like I was doing a public service.

Learning to do those little tricks and having fun...I was of the mind everyone should experience that 'magic' . It was just too great, in my opinion, for only a few people to have that feeling to themselves.

Learn one trick, learn a dozen, amaze your friends...amaze yourself. That was my philosophy, that's what I found in the Memory Trunk. Amaze yourself with life every darn chance you get. I believed it then, I live it now.

I'm a Magician of sorts again, I can make Monsters appear out of thin air, with a snap of my fingers across my keyboard I can conjure up mummies, werewolves, vampires, abandoned mines, devils, graveyards and catacombs.

I perform magic everyday now.

SO..........

Step right on up and let the Amazing Anita puzzle and dazzle you...now performing LIVE at the Soul Food Cafe...

Before the Journey

RELEASE

The waves lapped blackly
on the granite and agate pebbles.
The rhythm matched fluttering chest
more than any distantly remembered tune or dirge.
"Gone at last, you miserable bastard,"

A slight drizzle splashed
like meager tears on the crumbling pier.
Rare sunbeams winked through gasps
in the roiling clouds to flash
fairy dances on the lazy surf.
The reflected glow lit alike the grooves
in the arching cliffs and canyons
in her face -- both bleak in despair.
The distant lake shore was shrouded
in mist, and like her life, only
faint images were revealed.

A fish leapt unexspectantly to cause
ripples to swell toward her.
A sign? A gift?
The shadow of anger passed
into the pines and a smile
responded to their gentle waving fronds.


"Perhaps there is still some joy,"
she chuckled., though squirrels near
by heard only a dry cackle.

With a sigh, shoes were discarded to the drift
wood and frayed shawl to thicket bush.
Whether she leapt in or was drawn in
is hard to say -- the chilling water did not care.
All memories of his evil were washed away.
Down or up -- which way to go?

Youth was born again.

Lounging Traveller's Unhappy Fate

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The traveller on the right, in the digital image I took only yesterday, having such a nice time in the sun at Baba Yaga's, is far more use now. A charming vase don't you think? With poppies of remembrance to remind everyone else that this is not Camp Lucky Dog. Well! The dogs that cleaned the bones were lucky I guess!

Diving In

I am not sure what the 'theme' is here,
but perhaps this will entice ...

faucon
........................................................................

RIPPLE

Cory dropped her toe tentatively toward the rippling surface below. Concentration blocked out the shrill scolding of the Jays and echoing roar of the tiny rapids upstream, as memory returned of a childhood game long forgotten. Anticipation caused a shudder to raise a patch of goose bumps along her arching thigh; her slender foot straining for the instant of contact with the chill. The play of light dancing from the surface mingled deceptively with the shifting reflections from the granite boulders beneath the rushing stream. Quaking aspen whispered a warning of a ‘giant trout lurking below, intent on nibbling toes.’ She laughed aloud at this teasing jibe of her brother Paul – “Oh Paul, where are you now?”


A gray ghost of squirrel fled chatteringly through the brush at the sudden sound. With a flash of sadness, Cory plunged her foot and ankle through the surface, destroying her reverie and releasing a cry of shock and pleasure. The numbing cold did little to kill the disappointment over loss of control and judgment.

“It’s just like getting close to people,” she thought, “So close, so beautiful, so urgent; - - such yearning for close sharing. Then a careless response or a thoughtless remark mirrored as vulnerable surprise in expectant eyes -- all gone!"

An observer in the hidden glade might have guessed at tears but Cory laughingly brushed droplets of golden mist from her lashes and the tips of her long golden hair. Her lithe, tanned body rejoiced in the flickering sunlight; the tops of majestic pines swinging to the tune of an unsung melody. The figure Cory saw when sighting down her leg for another bout with will and water was just past ripened womanhood. Innocent curves added promise to a proud carriage. Life held suspended in the deep mountain canyon that few had ever troubled to explore. No moment in Cory’s quest for fulfillment combined such splendor, promise, and expectation as during this youthful game. She had returned to this spot more and more frequently in recent years.

The placid forest sounds gradually became more discordant. Twinkling lights from remembered waters became, as in a dream, flashing neon signs winking through holes in a threadbare curtain. Stringy, sandy hair framed a lined face staring vacantly at peeling paint on the ceiling. Pale moonlight seemed absorbed by the sickly pallor of flesh slowly turning to flab.

“Why can’t people see the girl inside?” thought Cory.

The tears were real!

Caught on digital

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Don't let anyone spin you any sorry tales about how hard they have to work at Baba Yaga's. I was out with my digital today and spied some of them sitting in the sun relaxing. No wonder Baba is in a rage about stolen eggs and people resting on their laurels. She is muttering about how she isn't running a health farm out by the Lake and wants something done about it.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Some Advice From The Muses



"Please help me get out of the way so I can write what wants to be written."
-Anne Lamott-

Saturday, August 27, 2005

The Fool begins Her Journey



"The greatest of journeys begins with a single step." Would this quote be the root of my undoing, or would it be the beginning of another glorious adventure for me to learn from? No sense in dithering about that now. I am standing before the door I must pass through to truly begin.
It is a door, like any door; except that it is sturdy and old-fashioned. It reminds me of the doors in the house I lived in back in Oregon, solid hardwood with gracefully arched trim on the thin part of the panels. It isn't painted, it is gleaming with varnish, the brass handle shiny from use. I know this door, and don't fear what lies beyond. It was through this door I fled when a life gone painfully awry became completely unbearable.
There is a difference now. I am not thoughtlessy, heedlessly trying to escape, now I am conciously choosing to walk through the door and see what lies beyond calmly and in depth.
I know that beyond lies the ocean of dreams, where I have floated serenely. I have eaten from the tree af fantasies, the times life felt loveless and unbearable. My path was guided by constellations of ideas on a sky of shifting colours, like those of the Aurora Borealis and Aurora Australis.
What will I see now, when I am expected to look deeply, and report on what I see here? Will I have the words to say what lies across this threshold?
Pye and Skye snuffle impatiently at the crack at the bottom. I reach my hand out to the handle, there is the tiniest arc as skin contacts brass. The cat's tails fluff and their eyes widen.
The door opens smoothly on gleaming, well-oiled brass hinges, the hinge-pins looking like the towers of minarets or Greek Orthodox Churches. As it swings open Pye and Skye stare at the vista for a breath, whiskers trembling as they sniff excitedly.
The air wafting towards us is rich with the perfume of the earth, dew on new-mown grass, the beach slumbering beneath a midsummer sun, the scent of growing things and the Circle of Life.
Through the door we three go, stepping in unison to soft grass and just the right amount of sunshine. The cats look up at me, their gazes saying, "I KNEW this was within you, you are too catlike for it not to be!"
I laugh and scritch one pair of shoulderblades, then the other. "I know kitties I know. Where do you think I learned to look at the world with 'new' eyes? Now, we are to seek the Cave of the Enchanteur? Our spirits shall lead us there? Non?"
Pye takes our lead, the crook in his tail pointing the way.

Stringing Black Beads

Lying here in blackness, in an unknown place, deprived of sensory perception, I pinch the skin on my forearm and welcome the pain that proves I'm alive. To hold onto my sanity--if it still exists--I will chronicle the events in my mind and if--when--I get home I will tell others. Or perhaps not. I can think of no one who would want to hear what I have to say about my meeting with Koshchey the Deathless.

Could it be that I am to blame for my current situation?

Was it a gap in my knowledge, a lack of information, or do I just have slow switches, as my mother used to say? I had just finished reading a warning from the Enchantress about Koshchey but instead of heeding it immediately, I began a letter to the Abbey to ask about Oreo and Tookey. Has the letter been found? Will someone look for me, or will I remain lost in limbo?

How afraid I was to meet Baba Yaga, how repulsed by her death fence and haunted by images of her in childish nightmares. Now I count the meeting an adventure; such is the comparison between Baba and Koshchey. The bones and skulls on Baba's fence brought me face to face with my mortality, Koshchey's whirlwind and icy grip made me long for death.

The remembrance of that fearful embrace sends a shiver down my spine as I hear again the shrieking wind that blew through the open window and spirited me away to this un-place. I remember a prolonged scream when Koshchey's bony fingers clutched me to his withered frame. The scream was mine.

How many fears make a up lifetime? I tally them in my mind and string them, black beads on black thread: fear of loving, fear of not being loved, fear of failure and fear of success, fear of dying, fear of life. All faced and conquered, but this time, here, where nothing exists but a void, I have met my match.

It's getting harder and I struggle to remember but--remember what? One thing. Trying to hold on as he steals my words and thoughts. Losing. Nothing left but Koshchey. A word, please.

Faith.

"Believer, can you hear me?" Sound. Words. My name. "Drink a few drops of this, careful, take it slow." Taste of water and tears. "Put your arms around my neck, I'm getting you out of here." Touch, compassion. "Rest here in the shade of the sycamore you're safe now." The scent of someone I know and the sweet smell of new mown grass. "Come on Love, open your eyes."

"No hood?" I murmur, staring in bewilderment at a man I know well but have never seen.

"Not important under the circumstances. Are you all right? Can I get you something?"

"Where are we?"

"About a mile from the Abbey. You'll be home soon, don't worry."

"Koshchey's here? Near the Abbey?" I start to tremble and my breath feels like it's being siphoned out of me.

"No, and he can't hurt you or anyone else. That was a mistake, it never should have happened. Somehow things got out of control and Koshchey had you too long. Baba Yaga's Knight's rescued all the others, but they couldn't find you. If it wasn't for your pets. . . . . "

Before he finishes I hear a squawk from high in the tree and a bundle of green feathers plummets into my lap. Quickly recovering from her typical clumsy landing, Tookey sidles up my arm and begins to nuzzle my neck. A moment later, a white nose and whiskers peep out from under a bush and Oreo pads over to greet me.

"Lemurian brandy," my rescuer says, offering me a silver flask with strange symbols etched around the base. He stands and gives a whistle to the horse I know as Firestarter. "I'll answer your questions tonight in the Common Room at the Abbey. Your friends are eager for your return. You don't want to keep them waiting."

He gives me his hand and helps me to my feet.

Gypsy Camp

Dear Heather,
Wishing you good fellowship and laughter around the campfire under a starry sky.
We are all together and free to express ourselves to one another. What a great
gift!

Friday, August 26, 2005

Moon Dream: overheard in the bath house




She stood at the edge of the glade, eyes sparkling in the glow of the homefire. All around her, the young ones danced and leapt; their passion and minds were free in the bright burning moment of now. The man stood at her side and gently squeezed her hand. They exchanged a look rich with their own nights by the fire, the wildness loose in their skin. Now they shared the quiet comfort of many nights side by side. She smiled at her daughters dancing under the starwashed sky, and then, unexpectedly, a feeling of sadness filled her.
The dark of the moon reminded her of the dark emptiness she had felt for some time now. Mother Moon had left her behind. Her body no longer kept the rhythm she had known since maidenhood. She was no longer a part of the whole. She noticed a slow deliberation to her thoughts and her movements. Her mothertime was long past, her two daughters grown. They strengthened the community, one a wise teacher, the other a gifted builder. Her gift was given.
The man knew the woman felt a change; felt her turning inward. He searched her face, worried. She no longer felt at home in her skin, under which all the pieces of the universe itched. As the feeling grew, she sifted through her knowledge, seeking a tincture or potion that would heal her. Finally, she knew—she would embrace that most ancient of cures—solitude. She chose for her journey objects that reminded her of life and of home, and wrapping her warm cloak about her body, set off into the woods. The man stood at the gate, the feel of her hand on his cheek fading as she walked away.
She walked for two days and nights, resting in the shelter of a tree or rock that called her name. She drank from quiet pools and lively brooks. She kept company with red foxes, deer, hawks, squirrels, and one wise owl that flew silently above her in the night. She came to an ancient clearing, remembered from girlhood, a place of sacred plants. The enormous oak at the edge of the clearing bent its limbs almost to the ground. The shelter it created kept out the rain, but allowed the breeze and light to flicker in and fall on the mossy carpet below. She placed her cloak in the warm curve at the base of the tree. On a low branch, she found a fallen sparrow’s nest. She placed it gently in the crook of the great tree and within it laid smooth gray river rocks—two, one for each daughter. In a gnarled hole in the trunk, she tucked her book and her comb. She crumbled herbs into her sleeping place, and hung them about the low branches of the tree. Some, like soothing lavender, were for comfort in the present; others were brought to remind her of times past. Passionwood reminded her of nights next to the homefire, wrapped in the arms of another. Motherwort and crampbark, no longer needed, were bundled with velvet ribbon. Rosemary lay by for clarity of remembrance. The fragrant herbs formed the scent of her rich life and she inhaled deeply.
Each day the woman rose and walked the forest, finding simple food to nourish her body and sights to awaken the wonder of her mind. Tender young morels, glittering dew on a crimson flower, stones worn smooth by time’s caress—each delighted her. At night, she spoke softly to the Great Mother before settling into Her sheltering curves. She waited for the dream.
Months passed, and the patience of the woman—a gift of aging—grew. Still she waited. One night, her inner voice bade her prepare. She drank deeply of water from the spring and anointed her skin with lavender oil. Climbing into the arms of the great oak, she stood on a strong branch. Mother Moon was peeking over the horizon, glowing red-gold in the velvet blue night. She once again felt the overwhelming sadness descend. Her sisterhood with the moon was over.
A rush of wind passed over as three powerful black birds descended. She peered into the darkness and saw three large Ravens, feathers shining blue, snapping black eyes gleaming in the night, perched on the branches of the oak.
“Come with us, Sister,” they crowed, in their rusty voices, catching her dress in their powerful beaks. She stretched out her arms, encircling the neck of the largest. They rose and circled the wood, flying higher. “We will show you all there is to see, Sister.” They traveled through the wood and beyond, to her village. She saw the home fires burning; the maidens dancing around the fire. Her heart was torn asunder with all she had lost. Her warm tears fell on the raven.
“Do not cry, Sister. Mother Moon is full and round, as is the wheel of time. You have known the robust passions of youth. You have known the fullness of lifegiving. You will now know the true fullness. No longer will Mother Moon call you to the cycle. Now you become a keeper of wisdom. You will keep all you have known and learned, and your light will grow with each fullness of Mother Moon. In time, you will be so luminous that you will dance up into the night sky. You will become one with those who light us.” The Raven swept a wing toward the stars.
The ravens flew higher and higher, toward the rising moon. The woman reached toward the moon, still longing for it, and dropped her face to the Raven’s feathers in grief. As she moved to wipe her tears, she saw that her hand shimmered with fine moondust. Without thought, she brought her hand to her face and tasted it. Suddenly, she laughed, her joy soaring in the night sky. As the Ravens circled around and around the moon, she scooped handfuls of moondust, eating until she was quite full. She began to feel lighter. She felt a tingling in her heart center. Holding her hands in front of her, she saw moonbeams shooting from each of her fingers. She opened her mouth to speak and moonlight came pouring out in a silken, silvery stream. Her Sisters, the Ravens, cawed and crowed with delight. “You see, Sister, your life is not over. Now Mother Moon lives in you. You will light the way, glowing with the radiance of life and the fullness of time. Be joyful, Sister!”
The ravens circled down, down; into the woods, and dropped her beneath the tree. She fell, solidly, into her body, which now fit her like a glove. Her skin was alive—each cell part of a joyous chorus. She stood up very straight, and walked through the forest to the village, the moonlight caressing her shoulders. She reached the edge of her village in a short time. She passed by the fires, where the maidens were dancing. Some were drawn away from the bright flames to her pale radiance.
“Hello, Mother. Welcome home. We have missed you!” She greeted them, touching each one on the forehead, leaving a faint trace of silver. Dazzled, they smiled and leapt into their dance, rushing back to the fire and the passion of discovery.
She continued on to her own dwelling. Taking off her shoes, she stood in her garden, her feet cool and solid upon the earth. I made this place, she said to herself. I am of it, and it of me. I belong here. My life is full. I am the gift. Her dog came to her and nuzzled her hand. She smiled in the darkness. She heard a noise, and looked up to see the man standing in the doorway.
“I’ve missed you,” he said. “Did the dream come?”
“This is the dream,” she said. She walked to him, the delicate blossoms of the moonflower unfurling in her wake. “I am me again,” she said, “only better.” She stretched out her hands toward him, and the light in her enveloped them both. They began to dance.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Packing for the journey




What to pack?? My minds whirls briefly and then begins (from force of habit) the mental countdown of 'necessities', mercifully small after living on the back of a motorcycle for a month.
Clothes, comfortable, versatile, stain resistant; I'll wear my beloved first 'Hippy' skirt in such vital shades and a plain, short sleeved cotton shirt in faded black. I toss in a fuzzily warm sweater, closed shoes for rough terrain, and socks to go under them. There is a pair of comfy and sturdy jeans in a lovely barely worn prussian blue.
I hang my medicine bag around my neck as I am a-swirl in the scent of smudging sage. I tuck my favourite crystal, and my antique French Tarot deck, and my runes in a little gold figured velvet bag as I ask the support and protection of the Creator of Man and the Mother of Man.
There is a new journal/notebook, a sketch pad, basic pencils and charcoals with a kneaded rubber eraser. My camera, and extra photo cards wrapped securely in the jeans and sweater for protection.
Should I bring gifts? I already bring them, all I really have to give is myself. If that isn't enough, no material thing will do either.
Stop, take a cleansing breath, redolent with sage and the small bottles of herbal oils I take for small injuries, and relaxation if needed. Check the weight and balance of my pack. Although the pack itself is light, it is also heavy with anicipation and expectation. Last, but most certainly not last is my staff of seven-barks wood, engraved with the face of the Father of Man, a green suede handle and my secret Wiccan name engraved on it. across from the thong that goes around my wrist is the summoning rattle that found me.
The summoning rattle is seven times seven, seven strands of tiny wooden beads, with seven slivers of mother-of-pearl equally spaced around each strand. Thrice magical in form, and powerful in function conjoined with my staff.
Last but not least my books on herbalism, and wildfare, for foraging along the way, and adding to my stock of herbals. Who knows what magic lies in a tiny white flower? Or what may be needed along the way. Slip on my comfy, secure sandals, looking so Greco-Roman in style, settle my feather hat on my head and take another deep breath.
As I turn off the lights in my room and head out the door I 'chirtle' to Pye and Skye to join me on this adventure, my familiar and her brother fall in on either side, light blue eyes burning with excitement and curiosity.
And thus begins the jourmey...
Let the God and Goddess be with us on our way!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Merlin Tarot

I come face to face with a gypsy as I approach the camp. She is small and has a pair of deep green eyes which seems to pierce into my soul. Her hair was silver, streaked between strands of black. Finger nails too long for her little hands.

I got carried away examining her and jumped when she broke the silence with an offer to do a tarot reading for me. That was what I have always wanted! A tarot reading by a gypsy! My nervous jump immediately becomes one of joy.

Her lips curl into a smile and I followed her into a brownish tent. The inside smells of freshly cut grass mixed with dried mud. I would expect her to smell exactly like that too. In the center was a redwood table. There were no chairs and I found myself standing opposite her.

"I see that you have a question." the gypsy stated as a matter of fact.

"Yes!" I replied with glee, "How did you know?"

"It's pretty obvious actually... " she responded with a cheeky glance over her glasses as she handed me her deck, which I immediately recognised as the Merlin Tarot.

I shuffled the deck a couple of times. I loved the feeling of the deck. They fit my hands perfectly... which also means that they are much too big for those little hands of the gypsy.

I handed back the deck reluctantly and watched with complete attention as she lays the cards on the table in an elaborate pattern.


She contemplated on the arrangement for what seems like eternnity...

Finally, she begin to speak.

"Very good. Your readings shows a very positive and gentle energy surrounding your life in the immediate future. You are in the mist of transformation. It is uncomfortable but you must experience breakdown before you can achieve breakthrough. You will shed your masks and ressurect as a pure child, much like a caterpilliar becomes a butterfly. You will soon discover your purpose in life. You are on the right path. This journey will be a pilgrimage"

The old gypsy paused to catch her breath before proceeding.

"Do not be afraid. The Enchantress and your fellow travellers will be a source of support and inspiration. You are not too far away from your dreams. Just walk the path with faith and as you reach the end of one road, more roads with appear."

I was filled with excitment and my mind was running wild with ideas and anticipation for the future! I could not sleep that night... just laid on the hard ground all night... until the air became cold and moist... and the birds are singing to the dawn.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Performing at the Hermitage

I read in awe "The Wild Ride" by Simone. I found this piece as I make my way out of the labyrinth. I read the words, drawn into the Nightmare with each breath... I could see my own shinning black stallion manifest before my eyes.

I was off, hanging on for dear life...

The feeling of flight was great. I felt like a star...

"Just be who you are
You are born a star"
My stallion screamed.

As I arrived at the Hermitage, I was told by a Hermit that I have 5 minutes to present a performance for the Amazon Queen... what should I do with such little time?

Ah I remember... I can be who I am...
I always thought I could paint... but I never really tried.
I was told I couldn't... so I never dare tried...
I thought about it sometime... but mosting I just cried...
at how I fear even to try...

So I asked for some brushes and I started to paint...
I ended with a quote... & the canvas was no longer plain...


I painted a flower from the labyrinth...
I stared at it with pride.
Now that I have tried,
I was shinning in the night!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Blogger and Image Shack Instructions

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To become really familiar with Blogger you need to open it and have a good look around. There are a number of tricks that can make life so much simpler for you.

This screen shows all the posts. If you have administration powers this is what your screen will look like. See the edit boxes. If you click this box the original post will come up in a Create box. Administrators can scroll over this and copy - html code and all - and then copy into the blog you are responsible for. I always sign in twice, have two sets of screens showing and use the minimize button to move between screens.

So long as you do not hit Publish nothing will change during this edit process. I always just go back out once I have copied and paste into the other blog and only publish there.

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This screen will pop up if you click Settings. There are a series of options - most of which you never need to worry about. The members one at the end of the right hand side is the one where you can invite members to join the team. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about settings.

Template requires knowledge of html so it is best to leave that alone.

Image Shack

Image Shack is a very user friendly program for uploading images that can be inserted into blogger.
Save an image on your computer but make sure it is only small. I use photoshop to change size but there are other programs

Go to http://imageshack.de

This screen will appear

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Click browse and select your image.

Click host it

This screen will now appear

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Highlight the link I have highlighted in this image - the web link and copy and paste it straight into the blogger compose box.

Publish and your image will be there.

Good luck
Sibyl Enchanteur

Where Did That Come From?


( Fear by Goya )



People read the stuff I write and will beat around the bush for a few seconds ( the polite ones anyway ) before they ask...where do you get these ideas from? What scares a person like YOU?

Well, I made a list ( which is a actually from a writing excercise ) and here it is:

Anita's List of Fears



Having my Mummified remains turn up in a thousand years in a musuem where a bunch of people will stand around it and say things like, " If that's preservation I hope to God I never see decay "



Full Moons Creep Me Out...it's like having a dead Sun up there



Head Hunters: I'm terrified of them...no kidding. My number ONE fear of all times is to end up like this



One of my favorite Sideshow Attractions of all times: To bad I'm afraid of it... The Fiji Mermaid. Go ahead and just try to prove it wasn't true.



Having my Family do this to my Grave...they would too!
************************************************************************************

So there it is, the things I'm afraid of.
I'll bet Satan rides a snow plow to work before a lot of people ask me a silly question like that again!

Anita Marie

The Fountain of Forgiveness Part 2


As I drifted off into sleep, I could feel the slip of water I drank from the Fountain of Forgiveness flowing through my body. My consciousness followed the flow and I found myself in a labyrinth. My legs were walking by themselves again and I was an observer. I heard the voice of Alexandria (my spirit guide donkey) as Maya (my totem spider).

“There is only one path in a labyrinth. This path always leads you to the source of forgiveness and unconditional love. You have made the choice to enter. Now, follow it with faith and you will arrive at the center of the labyrinth where a sacred space is waiting for you to experience healing and rejuvenation. There you will feel the redemptive powers of forgiveness and you will be empowered with the energy of love! You will once again feel light and free, without the chains of anger, bitterness and guilt! Forgiveness frees your spirit.”

“Easier said than done... ” I thought to myself.

“The labyrinth symbolizes a transformative journey into your own inner essence and back out into the world... just follow your heart and listen to the music from your soul” whispered Maya, “and you will find your way.”

I continued walking through the circuitous, spiral and meandering path, keeping my focus on reaching the heart of the labyrinth where I will find the secret of forgiveness.

“Wrong!” screamed Maya in the voice of Alexandria the donkey. “There is no way to forgiveness... forgiveness is the way. You reflect on your life as you walk this labyrinth and you will become aware of how your life is like this walk... and you will come to realize the importance of forgiveness and why anger, bitterness and guilt are all unnecessary.”

So... I will learn the lessons as I walk... hmn.

I pushed on. This labyrinth was a test on my patience... there were sharp turns that led me along rocky parts and there were long, slow portions that seemed to go on forever. I felt I was going in circles and not getting anywhere. I observe the flowers along the paths and I notice that I am in a different place. There were subtle differences that marked my progression towards the center. I quickened my pace and as I did so, the path seems to grow in length!!! I felt that I was somehow farther from the center than when I first started!

“Am I still on the right path?” I questioned myself.



“Good... ” I heard her voice again “I see that you are awakening... you are becoming aware of your experience. Now just relax and enjoy the walk. Do not panic and do not rush, or you will miss the point. As it is with walking the labyrinth, so it is with life... the point of living is being in the present moment. The present moment is where you find power and have the responsibility to make choices.”

I realised an inner knowing of the truth that exists within these words of wisdom. The past is gone and the future has yet to arrive. Only in the present moment do I have the power to live my life to the fullest. There is no sense in feeling regret, angry or guilty about the past. Similarly, there is no reason to fear or worry about the future. Instead, I must learn from the past, be inspired by the future and simply take positive action in the present. I felt a surge of elation, engulfed by a deep sense of peace. Peace of mind.

A distant memory invaded my tranquility and at that instant, my peace was lost. I was suddenly filled with anger at my girl friend for deserting me. My mind was flooded with shame as the memory replayed itself with 32 bit true colour and 3 dimension surround sound. Although we are back together again, I never really forgiven her. I was overwhelmed with both anger and guilt at the same time. As I stood frozen in my tracks and wallowed in self pity, I heard Maya's whisper coming from all directions.

“Just because you do not agree with the decision someone has made about their life does not mean that they are wrong. Each of us are walking in this labyrinth called life. Each will walk at their own pace and each will be at different points of labyrinth at any one time. Cultivate the compassion to see your fellow beings clearly and you will no longer need to judge them.”

My hatred dissipated and with it my pain. I remember all those beautiful memories we shared together and the previous scene faded into oblivion. I t was suddenly clear to me that I have unconciously allowed allow one negative event to define the course of my love story! The speel was broken forever and the truth set me free! Now I understand.

I was the one at fault all this while and I could not see... how stupid can I be? I am so unworthy of love!

“Maybe it will help if you also stop judging yourself. Forgive and you shall be forgiven... you are on the right path too. In the labyrinth of life, there are no wrong paths. A labyrinth may look like a maze at first but it is not. A labyrinth has twists and turns but there are no dead ends. There is only one path, and you cannot get lost. The same path that brings you into the labyrinth brings you out again. Walking the labyrinth of life need not be frustrating or frightening. You can choose how you feel while you walk. Why not choose to enjoy the flowers?” Suggested Maya faithfully.

I found myself at the center of the labyrinth and I saw the Fountain of Forgiveness resting in the embrace of nature. It was overflowing with what I now recognise as unconditional love. I understood that at this present moment, both my girl friend and myself were no longer who we were when that awful incident happened. That was a moment in the past which cannot be changed. The two of us that existed at that moment were gone forever... ...

There were a piece of bark and a burnt twig sitting quietly at the base of the fountain. It was as if they have been waiting patiently for my awakening. I picked them up and started writing a letter of forgiveness to my beloved.

As I finished off with my signature, a strong gush of wind blew past and the bark glided away from my fingers into the Fountain of Forgiveness. I watched in amazement as the letter dissolved and became one with the holy water. At that moment, I knew that I too was ready to become one with the water in the fountain.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

A postcard from the road...


A respite in the bath house




Now that I have come from my disturbing encounter with Baba Yaga, and spent some time pondering milagros, I am ready for respite. I sink into the rosemary scented bath that Madame Eclectica has prepared for me and allow my thoughts to drift.

I recall spending time as a girl making a secret camp in the windbreak behind our farm. My sister and I cleared away the brush, sweeping and raking to form a trail through the fragrant cedar trees. We harvested rocks from a nearby field to make fire rings, and brought out dishes from the house to be filled with greens and berries that we prepared as "salads." We spent quite a lot of time out there. My sister and I didn't often get along, and it was a rare treat to partner with her in any endeavor. It was a secret, shaded world, one that we were sole owners of, until the day we decided that the trail needed an exit, out behind the old pink Chevy that had died and been hauled out to the back acreage. It was now a home to mice, snakes, and wasps,and we gave it a wide berth as we used a handsaw to cut branches from one of the trees. After about an hour or two, we had a large enough opening to ride our bikes through, and could then make a round trip, starting at the driveway, coursing through the paths we had made, out the crude opening, down the lane leading to the tractor shed, and back in. All was right with our world, until Dad came home. He was doing chores when he happened to notice our circuit. He walked back to the treeline and was waiting for us as we made our next pass.
"Pretty neat, huh, Dad?" we said as we rode through the hole in the tree.
Dad looked ready to explode. We hopped off our bikes.
"Why the hell do you think it's called a WINDBREAK?" he yelled.
We looked at the tree, and noticed its distinct lack of windbreaking capacity, thanks to our busy-beaver sawing job. The hole was about six feet by 8 feet, not bad work for a couple of girls under 12. Frankly, a merit badge was in order.

I don't remember if we were punished--though it's likely, but what could he do? The damage was done. It took about ten years for that hole to grow shut, and now the treeline at the north end of my parents' property is as full and fluffy as it ever was. Whenever my sister and I walk back there, we always look at one another and burst out laughing. Dad can finally laugh about it too.

The Fountain of Forgiveness Part 1

After missing in action for so long, I feel disconnected, isolated & lost. It is a sad feeling but I just have to endure the immediate loneliness by fueling my spirits with the beautiful memories from the recent past and inspiring visions of the impending future. I resolve to find my fellow travellers again!

But how? Hmn... I remember... I reached into the dusty bag and pulled out the pair of magic spectacles and the special ear piece...

My reality expanded beyond possibilities once I put on these magical aids! I began to see colours and hear sounds that form an infinite grid of energetic pathways that is the proverbial zone which is also know as the field. When I am in the field, I was at one with nature... I was in the universe and the universe was in me... I was the rustling of the leaves and I was the gurgling waters flowing along the underground rivers... I was in the flow and the flow lead me to the Fountain of Forgiveness.

(I was not given a serpent as I was late and all the serpents have gone away...)

As I enter the waters in the Fountain of Forgiveness... I felt myself being purged from the flow... I heard the water speak to my heart... I realised that I was not being rejected by the Fountain of Forgiveness... it was in fact me rejecting the pureness of the Fountain water.

There were people I needed to forgive... and before I do that, I cannot be at one with this source of life. Take a sip from my crystalline waters... I was told... and you will find it in your heart to forgive...

I took a sip and I felt sick... I have to rest now... I wonder what awaits me tomorrow...

A Late Presentation for the Gorgon


As my physical body travelled back to Singapore, my spiritual body got lost and I found myself trapped in a universe parallel the House of the Serpents. I tried to present myself to the Gorgon but she could not see me without my electronic connection to the virtual world...

Now that my physical, spiritual andn virtual bodies are one again, I am asking for another chance to make my presence felt... the Gorgon granted my request with grace.

Grace... Ah... I decided to share my encounter with Grace on my 2nd last day in Melbourne. That was the finale of my recent pilgrimage...

After writing my response to Christy's "An Act Without A Name... ...,” I was out in the zone and just allowing divine grace to carry me along in the flow... ... and the most extraordinary synchronicity took place... ... I have been embraced by so much synchronicity since I embarked on this journey... ... but this one was by far the most magnificent.

Worry was starting to creep into my being again… … I am going back to Singapore tomorrow… … I recalled the downpour that greeted me on my second night in Melbourne. I was lost in the rain that night… … drenched but feeling refresh… … I did not really mind the rain as it sort of washed away my pain.

This rain reminded me of the feeling of being lost… … I guess I was feeling a little lost again… … and this rain was a reflection of my mood… but I finally found my way back anyway… … and maybe that was my spirit’s way of reassuring me.

And then I recalled the verse that I wrote in response to Christy's… … And I marvelled at the opportunity to play in the rain… … I took a deep breath of inspiring air and was soon on my way to Fitzroy Gardens.

I was suppose to be going to Telstra Dome and Victoria Harbour to take photographs so I really did not know what came over me… … I mean Telstra Dome was at least indoors… … what made me think I could take any decent photos out in the rain at the gardens? The rain was getting heavier at this time… … but I followed my heart anyway, and I rationalised that I might get a good photo for the “playing in the rain” part of my verse.

Seconds after I stepped onto the wet grass of Fitzroy Gardens, the rain stopped and I was miraculously greeted with a rainbow. It was over this Conservatory and it was beautiful… … I pulled out my camera and the photographer in me took over… …


After a couple of shots, I notice that it was more beautiful than I had realised… … It was a full rainbow… … it was huge and it was so near… … I sort of chased after it and noticed a twin appearing on the right end… … and then I noticed the colours intensify… … It was like a flower blooming right before my eyes! A peacock strutting in its full glory! A phoenix at her peak!

This was the first time I have ever seen a full rainbow in my life. It was breathtaking. Then it started to dissipate and disslove into nothingness… … I hung on to the euphoria… … capturing this divine image in my memory for eternity.

It was then that I saw this little Japanese girl… … she was near to tears because by the time she saw the rainbow… … by the time her parents took aim with their camera… … the rainbow was gone… … she had wanted to have her picture taken with this divine light… …

It was also there and then that I realised how few of the people in the gardens noticed this rainbow… … At this point, I realised how lucky I was. It was yet another instance of being at the right place, at the right time, having all that I need, and doing the right thing.

I was still basking in the euphoria as I lingered a little while longer in the gardens… … there was nothing else there really… … it was like I was lead there just to experience this wonderful sight… …

As I was walking away, feeling grateful and full of joy, I suddenly remembered that I had silently wished for an opportunity to take my own photo of a rainbow just a couple of days ago! I am at a lost for words… … totally dumbfounded!

What can I say but thank you!!!

And now the piece of work by Louis Armstrong that popped into my mind when I first read Christy’s verse makes sense… … The connection is very clear to me now… …

When You Wish Upon A Star
Louis Armstrong

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams
No request is to extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
As sweet fullfillment of their secret drowns
Like a boat out of the blue
Fate steps in and see's you through

Moma when you wished upon a star
Your dreams come true

(instrumental break)

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
As sweet fullfillment of their secret drowns
Like a boat out of the blue
Fate steps in and see's you through

Baby when you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
When you wished upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Your dreams come true

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Milagro means Miracle



Milagros are prayers of a sort, created in Mexico, and, I assume, other Latin American countries that are Catholic. They are often in the shape of the thing prayed for...eyes for good vision, hearts for safe journey through open heart surgery or love, etc...I loved this idea, and this hand is one of my visions of the milagro. Hands can plant all sorts of seeds, some of which I have listed around the border. May our hands be miracles of the everyday.

Meeting the young Baba Yaga


I rode my horse through the wood. With me was the magical bag that the Enchantress had given me, all its articles intact, but I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking of the doll I had found lying next to the bag. She had no face, no features, was merely a blob of felt and a bit of yarn. Very primitive. I’d stuffed her in the sack along with the other items. Frankly, my energy was low, and I’d begun to tire of the entire journey, life, all of it. These phases hit me once in a while, and unlike my cheerful little Katy who runs beside me and wags her tail, I have another travel companion. This black dog walks silently, menacingly, and lies close to me, almost too close, when I sleep. I feel suffocated by its attentions. Katy had long returned to my home in Kansas, missing her bed and her biscuits, so I travel on with this other dog, also familiar, but not welcome.

As I enter a clearing, I see a woman standing under a tree. She is young, slightly dirty, and has wild hair. She gestures to me, and I slow.

“A ride to the village, Mistress?”

I can smell her unwashed body and I'm sure I look uncertain.

“If you take me, Mistress, I’ll tell you something you want to know. I’ve the gift, y’know.”

Sighing inwardly at what is likely a lie, I nonetheless allow her to climb aboard behind me, noting with distaste the dirt and sores on her hands as she clasps them around my waist. We ride on. I do not speak. My companion tries to draw me out, but my answers—short, terse, unfriendly—silence her. Still we ride, and I glance down to see the large black dog running at my side. I wish for a moment that I could ride off a cliff, fall into nothingness, part ways with the black dog once and for all. I feel an emptiness; a void, deep within my chest. Suddenly, I feel cold steel at my throat.

“I can accommodate you, Mistress,” the girl says, “if that is truly what you wish.”

My astonishment at both turns—her perception of my thoughts and her immediate threat to my life—is great. I feel the blood running through my veins, my pulse throbbing at the base of my neck, just near the edge of the keen blade, which nicks me as my horse jumps over a log. I feel the hot breath of the girl, and expect her hand to reach for my bag, to snatch away all the magical gifts I had been given. I look to the dog. Its teeth are bared, breath ragged. I think of…nothing. I surrender to my fate, leaning back into the girl, allowing my hands to fall free of the reins. Tears course down my cheeks, and I sob, openly.

“It is as I thought, my dear,” the girl said, only now her voice was cracked and rusty, that of a crone. I twisted in my saddle, feeling the blade yet again. “Ye don’t even know who ye’re fighting, do you?” She reaches for the reins, urges my horse to a halt, and slides off. I see that she has changed. Before me stands a crone, all angles and wrinkles, almost toothless. I lie across the horse’s neck, limply watching her for signs of her next move.

“Life is tricksy, my dear. So are ye, and I, and all of Her creation. I thought to bring ye back to the fight, make ye see what ye hold dear, close to the heart. But instead, ye surrendered yourself—an unusual choice, but an honorable one. There is much to learn in surrender, mistress. I shall not take ye this day, it is not your time to go downriver. Instead, I shall leave you with this blade, and this wisdom: It is important to know just who it is you’re fighting. Is it outside ye, or are ye fighting that one that looks out the mirror at ye?” She handed me the blade, turned, and walked into the forest.

I hardly knew what to do. I placed the blade inside my belt, mounted my horse, and rode on. In the distance, I saw the dog, running parallel, but so far from me he was a mere shadow.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

TROLLS ARE REAL IN SEATTLE!




Funny Story: This is a troll that really does live under a bridge here in Seattle. There's actually a movement to rename the street it's on as
" Troll Street " because that's what everyone calls it now. FYI this thing is huge!

My Meditation on staying with Baba Yaga

``We have to go through the woods, to the house of an old lady who lives by the lake,” Mei Ling said, as I stowed her carefully in the bag so she wouldn’t fall out. ``we have to ask her the way to the camp of the Amazons.”
An old lady who lived in the woods? ``Will we be leaving a breadcrumb trail,” I said, only half joking.
``There will be no need – I know all the ways through the woods,” Mei Ling said.
So we set off on foot. It was a sunny day, but not too warm for my jacket. I felt quite festive and all I heard as we set off was the lonely barking of a dog from the gypsy camp.
On the way over the bridge I called into the mill for some bread for the journey and the baker wished me luck. He was a bonny young man, with a nut brown face and curly hair. I saw two pretty children playing outside as I left.
On the way, Mei Ling told me some hair raising things about Baba Yaga, the old woman who lived in the forest. I found her description of the fence around the cottage quite unnerving – apparently it was made of human bones.
She sounded like an evil old witch, but it was clear that Mei Ling had a lot of respect for her, and she seemed unafraid. But then, she was a china doll. I got less optimistic when we reached the forest. As we walked along a narrow, twisting path overgrown with tree roots and hedged in by thick shrubs, it seemed to me we were going into an area where light could not penetrate.
When I judged the time to be about mid morning, we stopped and ate some of the bread. Mei Ling ate daintily, refusing the crusts. I had some water with me and we sipped from the bottle, but I realised I should have brought more food with me – I had thought there would be berries and other wild food, but the forest was too dense and dark to offer much in the way of berries. There were mushrooms – or some sort of fungi – but I thought it wise not to experiment.
In spite of Mei Ling’s assurance that she knew where we were going, I felt completely lost, as if we were going round in circlers. I was certain we were passing the same glowering oak tree several times.
But it seemed she did know, because all of a sudden the path forked. One fork led off into some unprepossessing undergrowth – the other had a rickety sign that said No Junk Male, although I couldn’t see a mail box anywhere. This was the path Mei Ling told me to choose.
Ahead of me was the fence Mei Ling had spoken of – the palings were jagged splinters of bone topped with grinning skulls. The gate hung lopsided on its hinges, swinging back and forth with a mournful squeaking noise.
Over the top of the gate I could see a house leaning at an odd angle and – moving.
``The house is falling over,” I said in alarm.
``No, it’s probably just having a scratch.”
I saw what she meant as I inched through the gate. The house was scratching – it stood on two scrawny chicken legs and it was scratching the earth like a chicken – two steps forward, scratch, scratch, then one step back to see what it had exposed. There were two windows either side of a porched door, and these looked for all the world like eyes and a beak. Even the walls and the roof were covered with russet red feathers.
Seeing me, the house stopped scratching and folded its chicken legs neatly. Now it looked like a proper little house, foursquare on the ground.
``Knock on the door,” Mei Ling urged.
There was a knocker hanging there – a human skeleton hand curled into a fist. As I reached gingerly out to take hold of it, the skeletal fingers suddenly straightened out and shook my hand cordially. Then the door swung open and I found myself looking at the ugliest old woman I had ever seen.
She had warts on her face with hairs growing out of them. Her legs were the same as the house, scrawny and chickenlike, and she was dressed in an eclectic collection of skirts, aprons and a peasant blouse and vest that had certainly seen better days.
The first thing she said to me was, ``Do you come here of your own free will, or because someone sent you?”
I was about to protest my free will, and then I hesitated. Suddenly I wasn’t sure.
``Well – I said - ``actually, on the one hand I was told to come here – but on the other hand, I did choose to go – so I’m not really sure.”
She smiled at that, baring a formidable set of teeth that looked like iron.
``Good answer,” she said. ``Well, it looks as if I don’t get to eat you today. Pity,” she added, eyeing my ample hips. She stood aside and I went into her extraordinary home.
I found it strangely comforting. It looked like my Grandmother Bridget’s caravan, with bundles of herbs and onions hanging from the roof, and handcrafted items everywhere. There was a good smell coming from the pot on the stove, that made me twitch with hunger. Baba Yaga cleared a small rickety table – by tossing everything onto a spare chair – and indicated I should sit down. Soon I was tucking into a thick stew fragrant with herbs. To my relief, there was no meat in it, just turnips and barley and thick wedges of potato.
Mei Ling had a small amount as well, and a sip of water. She and Baba Yaga seemed to know each other well, and chatted happily through the meal. It was growing dark outside, and the warmth of the cottage, and the heavy meal, was making me feel sleepy.
``Our guest is tired,” Baba Yaga cackled. ``Well, you should sleep now, because we rise with the dawn here and I have some work for you to do.”
She gave me a rough cot by the fire, and I lay thankfully down, my bag on the floor beside me, and Mei Ling resting on the pillow. In no time at all, I was asleep.

The sound of a horse’s hooves woke me, galloping up to the cottage. I jumped out of bed, pausing only to pick up Mei Ling, as Baba Yaga opened the front door and light flooded in. But what a changed Baba Yaga! Now she was a graceful young woman – only the flash of her iron teeth as she smiled at her visitor gave her away.
I peeked over her shoulder. I saw a knight on a white horse, his armor so bright that it cast rays of light.
``Good morning, my bright dawn,” Baba Yaga said playfully. ``What does the morning bring?”
``Fresh mushrooms, sorrel and wild thyme for your breakfast eggs,” the knight said, bowing low and offering her a basket filled with these goodies. ``And a daisy from the dew sprinkled fields.”
Baba Yaga took the daisy, and gave her white knight a flirtatious smile.
``Nothing else to report, my lady,” he said, ``the morning dawns fair and clear on your forest.” And with that he turned the horse and galloped away.
``Mushrooms for breakfast,” Baba Yaga cackled. She was a crone again, and she stood the basket on the table. ``That’s your first task,” she said to me. ``Collect the eggs.”
I followed her out of the cottage. She spoke some strange incantation at it, and at once it rose, with a great cackling and ruffling of feathers. Lying underneath it, between the chicken legs, were six freshly laid brown eggs.
``These eggs are not free,” Baba Yaga said. ``If you want them you must pay for them – the cottage, not me. Leave something of value, or the cottage will sit on you and squash you before you can escape.”
What would a cottage that looked like a chicken (or a chicken that looked like a cottage) consider to be just exchange for its eggs? I looked helplessly at Mei Ling.
``You must give up one of your songs,” she whispered. ``A favourite, one you value – sing to it when you take the eggs.”
So I started singing as I walked between the legs of the chicken house. I was singing as I bent to pick up the eggs one by one, and singing as I turned to walk back to Baba Yaga. The legs remained upright, so I continued to sing as I walked safely out from under the house.
And do you know, I cannot for the life of me remember what song it was I sang to the chicken house. It has gone forever, and all I know is that it was precious to me.
Another incantation from Baba Yaga, and the house once again sat down. She cooked a fine breakfast of scrambled eggs with sorrel and wild thyme, and mushrooms on the side.
After breakfast, Baba Yaga wanted to go herb gathering in the woods, so Mei Ling and I followed her through the twisting paths. She stopped frequently to pick some plant or another and told me what each one was for – I realised I was in the presence of great natural wisdom and tried to make notes so I wouldn’t forget. I made little sketches of some of the herbs as well.
On the way back to the cottage we met another knight, this time in red armour and riding a chestnut horse. I looked back at Baba Yaga and was not surprised to see she had changed again. Now she was a mature woman in the full bloom of her beauty, but with lines of experience and wisdom just beginning to be etched around her eyes and mouth.
``Hail, my Red Sun,” she said. ``What does the day bring?”
``Tomatoes ripe from the vine,” the knight said, bowing low to both of us. ``And full blown roses to reflect your beauty.”
``Salad for lunch,” Baba Yaga said happily as the knight rode away. Her gnarled fingers touched the bloom of the roses gently.
After a very good lunch of salad greens and tomatoes tossed with herbs, she handed me a scroll of parchment.
``Your second task is written here,” she said. But when I unfurled it, the parchment was blank.
My face must have looked much the same, because Mei Ling rolled her expressive eyes and sighed gently. Obviously, the answer was very simple and I should know it already.
``My glasses!” I said, and I grabbed the purple specs from my bag. With these on, I could clearly see Baba Yaga’s spidery writing.
``Name that,” it said, ``which you fear most, so much that it blinds you to what you already have. Cast this parchment into the fire and be rid of it forever.”
I thought for a while, and wondered what I would be like without that fear – would I really be myself any more? But then I took up the quill, and I wrote – but I can’t remember what I wrote, because as soon as the parchment burned up in the flames, I was free of it, and I saw that there was so much else in my life that was more important and I knew I could pursue my creative dreams unhindered by it.
So in one morning I had given up something very precious to me for a few eggs, and something I no longer needed. Mei Ling and Baba Yaga were nodding at each other in a conspiratorial manner and I wonder what else they had in store for me.
As the afternoon wore on, I helped Baba Yaga prepare some of her potions and wrote the recipes down for future reference. She used the petals of the rose to make an exquisite lotion which she gave to me in a small bottle.
We settled by the fire and I wondered what my third task would be. I had a feeling it would be the last, and that I would be leaving Baba Yaga very soon. I was sad about that – I found her company delightful, and I had lost my fear of the old fairy tales. Baba Yaga had so far proved to be a vegetarian, anyway.
Suddenly we heard the thunder of hooves approaching the cottage. Baba Yaga opened the door, but this time she did not change. Looking over her shoulder, I saw a black knight on a black horse, studded with stars. There was a silver crescent moon on his helmet, which he raised. I saw the kindly and wise face of an old man.
``Good Eve, my Dark Midnight,” Baba Yaga said. ``What does the night bring?”
``News of travellers heading to the Camp of the Amazon Queen, and your guest must join them,” he said. ``And a star from the sky for my dear love.” He handed her a diamond so bright it flashed with a million rainbow sparkles.
After the black horse and rider vanished into the darkness, Baba Yaga turned to me.
``One more task,” she said, ``then you must be on your way.” She looked at me with her wise old eyes. ``I am the guardian of the waters of life and death,” she said. ``I can command the Sun, the Moon and the Stars in their courses. I can change time.” She delved into her capacious pocket and drew out three objects hanging from leather thongs, which she laid on the table. One was a small daisy with a heart of gold, and next to it was a finely wrought rose in full bloom. Lastly there was a lump of coal, twisted in a loop of silver wire.
``Choose carefully,” she said.
I understood, as I looked at the pendants, what each one represented. The daisy was the morning of my life – the young woman, setting out with freshness and hope. The rose was the afternoon of my life – the mother caring for her children and nurturing their dreams. But the lump of coal – surely that could not represent the years ahead?
My hand reached out for the rose, because the happiest years I had known were those when my children were young. But they were grown now, and I had grandchildren. If I changed my time, I would be changing theirs as well.
I reached out for the daisy, and again I hesitated. It would be wonderful to be young again, but why would I go that far back when I had finally learned not to long for the past, or fear the future?
So my hand closed around the lump of coal – and as I lifted it up to hang around my neck, it changed into a diamond.

the gypsy camp

I had only just got back to my room when there was a tap at the window and the raven that had brought me here was on the ledge outside. I opened the window and the raven hopped in and settled itself on the table. I saw at once that it had something tied to its leg. I untied the piece of grass holding a leaf on which had been written the following:
“Gypsies encamped in the magic glade. Midnight. Be there or be square”. So I was to be spared the trials and tribulations of a performance and a visit to the gypsies sounded like a great way of spending the evening. Perhaps there would be some dancing. Perhaps there would be some magic. Who knew.
I went back downstairs and found the hermitess. How was it that she always seemed to be around when I needed something? “Follow the path past the willow tree and then down into the valley. You will find the gypsy encampment by the stream. Enjoy yourself”. I thanked her and made my way along the path she had indicated. It wound down the hill through a forest of beech trees, moonlight dappling the leaf mould on the floor, and glow worms placed at strategic intervals lit my way where the trees overhead were so thick that no moonlight streamed through. The path must have been longer than I thought for by the time I got to the bottom I was quite warm. Ahead of me I could see the light from the fires. Someone was playing a violin – a lively, swirling dance and as I approached the fire I could see a couple of gypsies dancing, with wild abandon, in the clearing, their forms silhouetted against the fire which crackled and roared as more combustible stuff was thrown on it. The flames leaped higher and higher and cascades of sparks like fireworks burst up into the sky. There seemed to be other people there other than myself and the people who were obviously gypsies, probably the other visitors to the hermitage.
A gypsy woman came up to me and touched me softly on the arm. “want to know what your future holds?” she asked. Now, if there is one thing I have always wanted it is to have my fortune told. So, of course, I went with her into a tent, set a little apart from the rest of the encampment. We both sat down and she started to shuffle the cards. She laid them out on the table and told me to choose four and to turn them over so that we could what I had chosen:
Failure. The High Priestess. Abundance. The Chariot.


The gypsy sat still for a while contemplating the cards. She was silent for so long that I began to fidget and I was beginning to feel just a teeny weeny bit uneasy.
“So, you have met the High Priestess. She is the one who has set you on your journey and who keeps watch over you. The chariot is your means of transport. In your case your journal is your chariot for it is the writing in your journal that transports you into other lands and which, at the same time, carries you forwards. Abundance you will find all along the road. You only need have the eyes to recognise it when you come across it. The last one, failure, is more difficult.” I had started to relax with the first part but now I sat bolt upright again. “Failure or defeat, it depends which way you look at it. You have already encountered failure so it may be that defeat will be yours. Not to be defeated but to defeat someone or something. The time has not yet come”. She took my hands in hers, lightly following the blue tracery of veins on the backs of my hands. Then she turned them over and touched the lines in the palms of my hands. “A long and happy life, my dear. Walk with spirit and you will find your truth”. She stood up, indicating the audience had come to an end and moved her hands through the air, clearing the energies in the tent. My head felt muzzy and I half fell half stumbled through the tent flap into the cool air outside. Dark figures were still twirling around the fire and the violin was still being played with vigour but I felt changed in some way and charged.
I walked back up the hill to the hermitage, turning round once to see the flames burst into life again as someone threw another log on to the fire and wondered.

Arrival at the Hermitage by raven messenger

OMG did I really not read the small print before signing the contract for my ticket to the hermitage - another performance. I really wasn't prepared for that. Obviously not only a visit to the dressing-up box was required but also a consultation of the instant-party-piece-box.
I decided I would travel to the hermitage by raven this time. I had to think carefully about which hermitage we were going to – not the one in St Petersburg (Russia) - one of the world's greatest museums but to the one which is home to the Amazon Queen.

In my new guise of thieving magpie, I exchanged my swansdown cape for one of magpie feathers. Since ravens and magpies belong to the same family perhaps I would have to revise my view of magpies as being the killer whales of the bird world (for their habit of stealing eggs and killing baby birds for food). My feathered cape was quite spectacular as it was made of wing and tail feathers of a dark green/blue hue and a lustrous sheen. We flew through the night sky, dark with storm-threatening clouds and no moon that night. My raven guide assured me that that wouldn't be a problem as the hermitage was only a couple of miles away as the crow flies. What a strange expression. Does anyone know the origin of that expression? and how appropriate for my present situation. After a short flight my raven set me down on the gravel in front of the main door. I pulled at the chain to ring the bell and heared it clang somewhere deep inside the building. The door opened, seemingly of its own accord and I stepped forwards into the entrance hall.
A tall lady came forwards to greet me. “You must be Traveller, I have been expecting you”. I followed her into a large hall with a minstrels gallery running around it. Tapestries hung on the walls and there was rush matting on the floor. Tall vases filled with bullrushes stood in the corners. There was a stained glass window on one side through which the light streamed casting rainbow patterns on the floor. A delicious smell of cooking floated up from somewhere. “I will show you to your room and then you can join us in the refectory for a snack before I show you the dressing-up box”. Oh help, I thought. I’m really going to have to put in some practice for this next bit.
She showed me to a turret room with views over the fields and woods. There was a smell of something woody in the room and I noticed that a small bunch of wild flowers and herbs had been tied together and hung on a hook near the window. After giving me directions to the refectory, she left me to get settled. It didn’t take me long to sort out my things so I followed my nose to the refectory, down a number of winding corridors with ceilings so low that I had to stoop to avoid hitting my head. The walls were covered with whitewash and a number of pictures adorned the wall but I didn’t pay these much attention. My stomach was more interested in the prospect of food.
When I got to the refectory I found that a place had been set for me at the table, but seemingly I was to dine alone. There was a wooden platter, a mug and a jug of some frothy liquid which, on closer inspection, turned out to be cider – my favourite. I helped myself to the bread and cheese. Replete after my snack I considered my situation. I thought that some of the other travellers were here as well but the hermitess had made no mention of them and I hadn’t heard or seen anyone else since my arrival. Very strange I thought.

My thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the hermitess herself. “Come along now, we need to find you a costume. Come with me to the costume box”. I duly followed her out of the refectory and outside into the garden. We walked until we were out of sight of the hermitage itself and came to a greenhouse. She opened the door and motioned me to follow her inside. “This is where we grow the costumes” she explained as she showed me rows and rows of costumes seemingly growing at a rapid rate. Each was tied to the sort of canes you see in vegetable plots and as the costumes grew, they were tied for support to the canes. Some had only just started and others were obviously nearly fullgrown. “Choose any one that you like. Whichever you choose will fit you so don’t worry about size. You will need these special golden scissors to cut it off the plant”. She bent down and showed me where to cut the stem of the plant at a point just above a bud. Thus a new costume would grow when I cut mine off. “You will find various accessories on the shelves, take what you want”. I had a vague memory of someone saying something about mediaeval costume as a group of troubadours was supposed to be stopping off at the hermitage. I wandered up and down the rows until I stopped at a silky red dress, with flared sleeves edged with blue brocade with a white undersleeve. I touched the fabric, imagining how it would move with me when I walked. I hesitated a moment longer and then bent down to cut the costume carefully off the plant. She stood watching me as I slipped the dress over my head. ”You see, it fits you perfectly and it’s just the right colour for you. I think the gold crown and the golden cords plaited into your hair would finish it off nicely” she said as she picked up these last items from the shelf. “I expect you will want some time to rehearse your piece so I suggest you take the dress off and go back to your room. I think the others are probably practising at the moment". She’s right, I thought as I walked back to the hermitage for I could hear snatches of song and a few muffled curses.

Finding the Question

"Procrasssssstinator!"

"I shouldn't have read the other posts," I sighed. "They're just too wondrous and beautiful."

"It would be foolish to missssss the night ride," said Paisley, an exquisite shades-of-blue snake.

"I don't know where to tell the horse to take me."

The little snake, curled loosely about my wrist, patted my hand reassuringly with her tail, then slipped off and slithered over to my computer. "Go down to the stable, you can figure it out when you get there"

"Come with me?"

"Uh-uh, horses don't trust snakes."

It was dark as pitch on the path leading away from the House of the Serpents and what should have been excitement felt like a clenched fist in the pit of my stomach. A lantern hanging on the barn door gave out a paltry light and when I entered the stalls were empty except for the last.

I heard a startled whinny and then, "I thought you weren't coming. Where are we going?"

"I have no idea," I admitted, "I suppose we should go searching for the meaning of life or something like that."

"You need to narrow your focus a bit."



"This can't be right," I said after we arrived at what Shadowfoot swore was our destination. We'd ridden for hours over mountains, crossed corn fields, and highways and now we were clip clopping down the middle of a city street with rickety row houses on either side that looked like they'd stood there for a hundred years.

"There's only one window lit," she said, "that must be it. I'll wait here. Be back before dawn please."

I knocked and the door swung open. Inside the apartment, a radio was playing a Benny Goodman record from the 40's----and an old woman was sitting at a kitchen table sorting pieces of a jigsaw picture and tapping her toe in time to the music. She looked up, smiled and beckoned me to join her.

"Mom and I used to do these together." I said, smiling back.

"More fun when you have a partner," she nodded and her glasses slid down to the tip of her nose, "I was hoping someone would stop by tonight."

"I'm not sure if I've come to the right place."

"Not sure of a lot of things, I expect."

I had to laugh. "True enough. I've spent a lot of time in caves and forests and mythic places lately."

"Am I a bit too ordinary?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"No, actually, our tour has been wonderful, but more exotic than I'm used to. This is just what I need."


"Splendid," she replied. "You do the blues and I'll do the greens"

"Where's the box top with the picture?" I asked.

"No picture on the box top," she said, shaking her head.


The music ended and the news blared out the usual mixture of violence and corruption.

"The world's going from bad to worse," I said with a sigh. "it's enough to make you lose hope."

The old woman gave me a funny look, picked up a piece and put it into place, then mumbled something under her breath that sounded like a name.

"Almost finished, and I still can't figure out this picture."

"What makes you think we're finished?" she asked.

"Well, we only have five -- make that four pieces to go."

The woman rose from her chair with some effort and rubbed her knees. "Don't drop it," she said, "and follow me."

I slid my hands under the cardboard base and, carrying it like a birthday cake, walked behind her into the next room. I expected a living room or dining room, but found myself instead, in a two-story warehouse. Ceiling-high shelves stacked with identical boxes lined the walls and scores of enormous square tables were covered with puzzles.

"Put it down here," she pointed to a puzzle twenty times the normal size in the same blue and green color scheme as ours.

"Amazing." I slid the puzzle into the opening where it belonged and stood back to study it. "Part of a tree? I don't get it."

"Time to start the next one," she said and, taking a box from one of the shelves, bustled back into her kitchen with me trailing behind.

She dumped the new puzzle onto the table and immediately began the process of sorting colors and searching for corners and edges.

"Can I make you a cup of tea?" I asked. Even accepting the strange warehouse in the next room, clearly the woman was obsessive and needed a break.

"If it will help you think."

"Help me think? Aren't you the one who needs to think? There are thousands of puzzles out there and they don't even make a picture! I mean, what's the point?"

She glared at me. "I don't mean to be unkind, but you've come a long way to find your answer and it will be dawn in less than an hour. You'd better concentrate and figure this out, young lady!"

The tea steamed while I fumed. Some night ride, wind up in an inner city slum, putting puzzles together with a crazy old woman who insults me. And what answer? I'd never asked a question!

"Jack Farley," she said.

"Excuse me?"

"Julia Cordoba."

"Look, I really have no idea what's going on, but I'll help you finish this one and then I've got to go."

She took a sip of tea and fit a nice size piece into the frame. "Oh. Peter Jennings."

"He just passed away," I said.


"Yes, he was a good news reporter. You know, it's said, people reveal themselves in the first few things they say to you."

I hardly knew what to reply, but it was obvious either the names had some significance or she'd gone over the edge, since she was, by this time, almost chanting. Now and then she looked up at me as she said a name and then-------- without warning---------- I heard my own.

"What did you say?" I asked and suddenly in my mind the pieces tumbled into place!

She watched silently as I staggered to the table and sat. I found I had to talk, to verbalize what I'd just come to terms with, even though I knew we both understood it perfectly.

"My question was about loosing hope wasn't it?"

"It was one of the first things you said," she acknowledged. It's why you came tonight even though you didn't know it yourself."

"Too much communication nowadays. We hear and see it all, the violence, the hatred, the tragedies. How does anybody stay sane? Keep from being depressed? How do we make things better"

She scooped up some pieces. "Ivan Boradin, Molly Turner, Jason Masterson, Kimberly Stevens, Francesca Multi, Emily Ho, ordinary people around the world doing the best they can at whatever they do, trying to make a difference." She picked up my piece and dropped it in my hand.

"It's pretty small, I saw larger ones."

"Your life's not over yet. Try harder, make it grow. Work within your faith, be kind, encourage. Come into the warehouse a minute. I need to show you some things."

I wandered with her from table to table, scrutinizing the giant puzzles that were formed from the ordinary ones the old woman put together in her kitchen. She pointed to some of the larger pieces and named them. On the blue table, Eli Wiesel, Carl Sagan, John Glenn. On the yellow table I saw a piece that looked almost familiar.

"Vincent Van Gogh," she told me. "I worked in Thoughts and Quotes for a time before they sent me to Visuals. One of my favorite quotes was his, pretty much answers your question. 'So instead of yielding to despair, I chose the part of active melancholy. I preferred the melancholy that hopes and aspires and seeks to that which despairs in stagnation and woe ' Brave man Van Gogh.

"On another tack," she continued, "I'm basically in the middle, as far as production is concerned, me and thousands of others. When those last two tables are finished somebody'll come by to pick everything up and take it to be assembled into the whole."

"That must be something to see!"

"Oh, no one ever sees that except the Creator." She crossed to a window and pulled back the curtain. "Now one last bit and you need to get going. The stars are beginning to fade. I don't suppose you brought your glasses with you?"

"Of course," I started to reach for my purse, "I can't read a thing without them."

"No, not those. The ones the Enchantress gave you. Well, you'll have to use them when you return. The vision never lasts more than a few seconds, so make sure you don't blink."

She led me to the door and stood on the porch steps with me while I waited for Shadowfoot to cross the deserted street. To my surprise, I felt a wave of sorrow wash over me as I turned to leave.

"Do I know you?" I whispered.

"We almost met once, but that wasn't our time, nor is this. Some day, when our work is over, we'll be great friends." She kissed me affectionately on the cheek and reached over to give Shadowfoot a pat then watched us ride off into the morning mist.

It had been an exhausting night and when I returned to my room the sun was high in the sky. Paisley was still asleep and all I wanted to do was lay down and pull the covers over my head, but there was one thing I had to do first. I opened the draw string bag the Enchantress had given me and took out the special glasses.

I held the tiny puzzle piece in the palm of my hand. Such a small, inconsequential life I thought and, reminding myself not to blink, I watched it split into thousands of interlocking pieces that showed the days of my life and each of those splintered into kaleidoscopes of rainbows and colors and flowers and faces and mountains and lovers and raindrops and words and kite tails and sunsets and trees and butterflies and grandparents and kittens and . . . . . . . . . and . . . . . . . .

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Endings Are Beginnings

This is a very hard thing to share because when we tell stories we want noble strong willed women and this is real life, my real life and I'm not noble or strong and the women in my life were far from the strong Earth Woman we all want to be.

But God knows we tried.

This is a true story from my true life.

I've posted this over at the Ancestors Blog, but I've brought this here for a little while because it fits; because it's part of a journey I'm on right now. I'll only leave it here for a few days to share and I hope none of you mind.

Thank you for you indulgence,
Anita Marie

ENDINGS ARE BEGINNINGS



I just got back from seeing my Grandmother today.

She's dieing, no way around that and I don't want her to take all those things from the past to her grave...she was glad to see us and she was very responsive and was able to talk a bit.

But she's not eating and she's only taking a little water.

Me and Doug and Esther acted as normal as possible and talked to her about the kids and what we've been doing and I could tell she liked that too. But I didn't harp on about the food...she doesn't have much time left I think and I didn't want to waste my time on that.

I had things to settle first.

When I got there, I went up to her first (she does look really bad ) and I looked right into her eyes and I told her about the good things from our past and that they meant a lot to me.

I told her not to be scared we were there and we didn't forget about her and never would and that we loved her and she said, " all my babies are here. "

Then she saw my brother and her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she said ' oh it's Duke! " that's my brother's nickname and both our Grandmothers adored Doug.

On his good days he's like one of those Douglas Fairbanks Jr types from the old movies...what do you call it...he's one of those dashing handsome lovable rogue types.

In fact, that's who my brother is named for: Douglas Fairbanks...only my Filipina Grandmother couldn't pronounce Fairbanks...it came out Frederick I guess or something that sounded like that.

So our mom changed it.

Anyway nothing could warm those two women's hearts like Doug could. It's always been a joy to me to think back on the smiles they had for him and only for him...my stern Grandmother Ignancia who only openly and with her entire heart smiled and laughed just for my Grandfather, Cypriano, and later for my brother Doug.

And for my Grandma Ginger who had a bitter and hard and sad life was able to toss all that over to smile with pure abandon for Doug too.

So it was worth going just to see her that happy...I mean it's the end for her and her life is full of bad choices and wrong words and she knows it.

If this can help her ease her heart and settle her spirit I'm glad and I'm glad I was there to see it and that I was part of it. I'm glad I was able to let go of my pain and hurt for the Grandmother who sometimes treated me with something less then kindness and care.

The nurse told Luis they're surprised she's lasted this long and they suspect she's got unresolved issues and I think we're the issues.

I really don't want her to suffer just waiting to see us.

I didn't want that to be what she felt on her last days on this Earth.

I wanted her to be happy tonight, I wanted her to have good dreams the way my Grandmother Ignancia did before she passed away.

My Grandmother was saying, the week before she died, that every night she was dreaming about my Grandfather Cypriano driving up in his army jeep and he'd call out to her to come out and take a ride with him.

She was scared when she woke up and told my Uncle she yelled at Cypriano to go away.

She died shortly after; I think she got in that jeep with him one night and I think she was laughing...I think they both were.

I want that for my Grandma Ginger too.


The Beginning-posted at the Soul Food Cafe



One of my favorite stories involving my Grandmother Ignancia and her sister involved the trips they use to take together back in their younger years after moving to Hawaii.

My Grandmother's younger sister really was a bush pilot and use to fly all over the Southwest here in the states, Mexico and before they stopped it, Cuba.

After one such trip my Grandmother and her sister weren't on speaking terms for about two weeks, I'm told. Finally one night at the dinner table my Grandmother's sister dissolved into hysterical laughter and nearly fell out of her chair. My Grandmother calmly got up, excused herself and went to Confession.

True story, one of my favorites because sometimes we forget our Grandmother's were once young women. When I think of my Grandmother and her sister ( We called her Tia ) I don't think of them as older maternal figures.

I see my Grandmother as the gutsy young woman she was; she left the Philippines to get away from an abusive husband as well as a Church she felt had far to much control over her life. She took herself and her daughter to Hawaii.

I see my Tia, which isn't hard to do because I look exactly like her. I can see her in my mind's eye flying planes, smoking her beloved Cuban cigars, playing cards and shooting coconuts out of the trees for the hell of it

I'd like to say my Grandmother was a calming sweet old woman, but she wasn't. She was tough, strong and independent. She wasn't the warmest person in the world, but my God you could count on her to be strong no matter what came her way.

Until the last week of her life she was working her garden and keeping up on her hobbies. As for Tia, she passed away a few months after my Grandmother did. I was told the day she lost her driver's license wasn't as big of a deal as the day she realized she could no longer fly ( which had happened many years before ). I think that broke her, because it was then she stopped being the spitfire she was before. I think all she had after being 'grounded' was my Grandmother and when she was gone...that was it.

Even as they aged they still traveled and saw much of the world, two old ladies taking off for trips to Mexico. Sometimes they'd see someplace on TV and decided to fly there for no other reason then...why not? It looked good. And just try to stop them. You'd have better luck trying to change the rotation of the Earth and I'm not kidding. This was when they were in the 70's for Pete's Sake.

HOWEVER! I think you all are very lucky to have had the women I've read some of you write about in your lives. The women in my life...well...ha, they belong in an adventure movie. No kidding and they'd take THAT as a compliment!